Caregivers in Anchorage face hidden risks from denying decline

Families in Anchorage often struggle to accept the changing needs of aging loved ones. This resistance, known as denial, serves a protective function in the early stages of grief. However, maintaining this stance for extended periods can complicate daily care and increase physical stress for those providing support.

Amy O’Rourke, an aging expert, described denial as a necessary shock absorber. She explained that it allows the body to process overwhelming changes without being consumed by them. O’Rourke noted that individuals often move in and out of this stage rather than exiting it permanently.

She recalled a visit to a client whose husband was actively dying. The wife paused the conversation to enjoy a meal with her partner. O’Rourke respected that choice, recognizing the value of being present in the moment rather than focusing on the prognosis.

Denial also manifests when family members minimize their own roles. Gerontologist Sam Cradduck observed that many adults performing tasks such as cooking, grocery shopping, and paying bills do not identify as caregivers. They view these actions as helping an independent person living alone.

Cradduck shared that individuals often set arbitrary boundaries for their status. They may say they are only caregivers when they assist with personal hygiene. This distinction can lead to unacknowledged strain. The National Alliance for Caregiving estimates that 63 million Americans serve as family caregivers, though Cradduck believes the actual number is higher.

Katherine Ambrose, an aging well coach, warned that ignoring a loved one’s decline can cause harm. She cited common phrases like “she’s just being stubborn” as signs of denial. These attitudes can result in regrets if the family fails to address current needs. Dr. Rhea Rogers, a board-certified physician, agreed that accepting the reality of decline is difficult but necessary.

Rogers emphasized the importance of meeting people where they are. She noted that understanding the potential for rapid change helps caregivers adjust their approach. Ambrose suggested reorienting daily thoughts to focus on who the loved one needs in the current moment. This mindset helps serve the person in front of you rather than relying on past memories.

O’Rourke advised patience when older parents resist assistance. She recommended asking gentle questions such as “What do you see?” instead of pushing through the denial. Cradduck stressed the need for honest self-assessment. She said that unacknowledged stress leads to exhaustion and friction in relationships. Caregivers must admit when the load becomes too hard to handle alone to prevent burnout.