15 Years of Conflict Prompt Holiday Hosting Decision

A New Jersey resident has decided against hosting a holiday family dinner after 15 years of strained interactions with her daughter-in-law.

The writer, who goes by “Feeling Disappointed,” states that her son and family have endured the relationship for a decade and a half. She describes the daughter-in-law as charming to outside observers but crude toward her. The daughter-in-law directs her outbursts of anger at the son before turning her frustration toward the mother-in-law.

The reader notes that she has ignored rude remarks for years, allowing time to pass, but conflicts continue to arise. She has recommended counseling to both her son and his wife, but suggests the advice goes in one ear and out the other. The upcoming holidays have triggered the decision to stop hosting if the daughter-in-law is present. She plans to inform her son of this change and hopes for a positive outcome.

The column responds by acknowledging that 15 years is a long period to endure the situation. It asserts that the reader is not obligated to host a holiday meal. The advice suggests telling the son that she loves him and wants to spend time together, but the tension with his wife has become excessive. The response emphasizes that the mother is not asking her son to choose sides. She is simply choosing not to host this year.

The column further advises that the reader cannot force the couple into counseling or change the daughter-in-law's behavior. However, the mother can decide what she is willing to tolerate in her own home. The response states that being family does not grant anyone a free pass to be unkind.

A second inquiry in the same column asks for advice on a co-worker who spreads germs despite multiple interventions. The colleagues have given the woman cough drops, Kleenex, Chloraseptic throat spray, and ginger. The co-worker refuses to purchase these items herself. The group initially suspected cultural differences or financial constraints, but now suspects she enjoys the attention or is lazy. They have sprayed down her area and use masks, wipes, and gloves per company policy.

The advice for the germs case is to stop playing nurse and let management handle the issue. The reader should speak privately with a supervisor or the HR team about the concerns. These officials can address the situation discreetly and ensure workplace health policies are followed. The reader should continue taking reasonable precautions to protect her health. The response concludes that the reader has done her part, and the people in charge must do theirs.