Etiquette expert: Tattoos are private property, not conversation starters

Three etiquette questions reached Miss Manners this week, covering social boundaries, dining expenses, and responses to bodily noises. The column, published on Nov. 3, offers specific guidance for each scenario without requiring readers to memorize a complex code of conduct.

One inquirer asked whether it is acceptable to start a conversation with a stranger on an airplane by commenting on a tattoo. The reader argued that tattoos featuring names or words appear to be placed for public reading. Miss Manners rejected this logic. She stated that tattoos are off-limits for small talk because they are part of a person's body. She noted that the reasoning provided by the reader would imply that any person with visible tattoos is eager to speak with anyone nearby.

The advice columnist recommended asking about the book the stranger is reading instead. She cautioned readers to check for willingness to participate in the conversation and to stop if the stranger prefers to read. She warned against confusing polite nods with consent to continue chatting.

A second letter concerned a friend who takes the same large restaurant meal home after a birthday dinner. The sender said the cost of the meal and tip has reached $100. The friend always orders the largest portion regardless of who accompanies her. Miss Manners advised the sender to pick one complaint to address rather than listing all three. She suggested asking if the friend would consider a different restaurant, either because the sender is tired of the current venue or can no longer afford it.

Miss Manners noted that admitting a budget constraint is more embarrassing but less likely to make the friend feel blamed for using the generosity. She emphasized that the conversation will not be pleasant but is necessary to resolve the issue.

The final question asked how to respond when someone says excuse me after sneezing or belching. The inquirer felt that silence was strange but that saying you are excused sounded patronizing. Miss Manners stated that no acknowledgment is expected or desired. She advised the listener to move the conversation back to the previous topic or introduce a new one to distract from the sound.

The column concludes with these three distinct answers, providing immediate steps for social situations involving strangers, dining guests, and unexpected noises.