Expert advises labeled can for hosts facing septic backup costs

A correspondent in the Anchorage area faces a recurring problem during holiday gatherings that has resulted in thousands of dollars in repair costs. The host, who lives with a life partner and maintains a modest home, has experienced two separate sewer line blockages caused by flushable wipes.

On both occasions, technicians removed the wipes from the system. The host does not purchase or use the product but noted that technicians frequently find the items in residential septic systems. The repairs required sewer clearing and basement cleaning after each backup.

The writer asked Miss Manners for the proper language to tell guests to stop flushing the wipes. The host already places a wastebasket next to the toilet but seeks a more formal solution to prevent future clogs.

Miss Manners responded that there is no charming way to criticize guests' toilet habits directly. She warned that a general conversation about septic tank problems might cause guests to decline future invitations. She noted that guests may decide the topic is not part of a pleasant evening.

The expert suggested placing a waste can with a lid next to the toilet. The can should be labeled with the words For flushables. Miss Manners advised removing the quotation marks around the word flushables, acknowledging the host's temptation to include them.

In a separate inquiry, a reader asked about listing donation amounts on funeral cards for a deceased family member. The reader's spouse wanted to list each participant with their specific contribution amount. The reader preferred listing only family group names without amounts.

Miss Manners questioned whether the goal was to move people to respond to a tragedy or to extract money from them. She stated that publicizing amounts can spur donors to outdo one another. She expressed a dislike for the practice because it can embarrass those who make smaller donations.