16-Year-Old Anchorage Girl's Hugging Boundary Sparks Family Debate

Anchorage residents following local advice columns saw a familiar domestic dispute reach the pages of the Alaska Star this week. A parent wrote to columnist Eric asking how to support their 16-year-old daughter, Missy, in enforcing physical boundaries with extended family and friends. The core of the disagreement centers on the simple act of hugging.

The incident occurred recently when the family traveled to a nearby city to visit the mother. During the stay, a family friend named Helen stopped by. The letter describes Helen as a hugger. To avoid an inevitable embrace, Missy positioned herself on the far side of the dining room table. Helen crossed the table with arms outstretched, moving toward the girl despite the distance.

Missy extended her hand for a handshake, a move her parents suggested. Helen attempted to sweep the handshake away, prompting Missy to step back and state, “I don’t like to hug.” The parents stepped in to redirect the conversation, ending the immediate tension. After Helen left, Missy’s grandmother scolded the teenager, calling her rude for refusing the hug.

The family has always taught Missy she possesses bodily autonomy and does not have to hug anyone she does not wish to hug. The parents believe Helen is the one being rude by forcing hugs on everyone she meets. They seek validation for their stance, noting that Helen is likely to visit again. Missy has proposed she will be absent from the house when Helen visits next, a plan Grandma strongly opposes.

Eric responded by affirming that Missy is correct. He stated that a hug is a two-person act and that Missy does not have to do anything with her body that she does not want to do. He advised that other ways exist to show affection, both physical and non-physical. He told the parents to speak with Grandma before the next visit, reminding her of the boundary Missy set and the family’s support for it.

The columnist noted that while Grandma may not like the arrangement, respecting the boundary will make it easier for everyone to have a pleasant time. He emphasized that hugging is not a non-negotiable requirement for visiting relatives. The advice concludes with a recommendation to talk it out beforehand to reach a place of understanding.

The letter also included a second inquiry from a reader who has been in 13 situationships. This individual asked if they are forever stuck in relationships that lack clear definition. Eric replied that the reader is not alone and suggested changing methods, such as meeting people in person or taking things more slowly to determine intentions. The column ended with a call for reader submissions on petty grievances or past conflicts for upcoming themed issues.