Annie Answers Two Letters on Weddings, Friendships

An advice columnist is addressing questions about wedding seating and long friendships.

One writer describes herself as a mother of the bride whose husband of many years has repeatedly said he would go to counseling to work on their marriage but has never followed through. The couple has been separated for three years. Her daughter's father has invited his new girlfriend to the wedding reception, while the writer has been told she cannot bring a date. She has asked her daughter several times to meet the man she has been seeing, but her daughter says she is not ready. The daughter mentioned she has known the father's girlfriend "from before." The writer wants to know if it is reasonable to ask her daughter to uninvite the father's girlfriend. The columnist, Annie, writes that asking the daughter to do so puts her in a difficult position. Annie advises telling the daughter how she feels without asking her to choose sides. Regarding the daughter's use of "from before," Annie advises against letting imagination fill in the blanks. Annie also writes that one can be hurting and still be gracious.

Another writer says she has a friend she has known for almost 30 years. She writes that over the past few years she has always been the one calling, making plans, and checking in. When she needs someone, her friend is suddenly too busy. During a difficult family situation last month, the friend knew what was happening but never called to see how she was doing. A week later, the friend called to complain about a disagreement with her daughter and listened for nearly an hour without asking how the writer was. The writer's husband suggests she stop calling and see what happens. Annie writes that thirty years of friendship is a long time to be friends and advises telling the friend how she feels. Annie also writes that the husband has a point and advises stopping the reaching out to give the friend a chance to meet halfway.

Annie writes that friendship, like any relationship, takes two people willing to make an effort.