Miss Manners advises on workplace door etiquette and wedding lunch gestures

Miss Manners addressed two distinct etiquette dilemmas in a column published Oct. 30. The first involved a co-worker who frequently opened a push-only restroom door with force, startling others on the other side.

The writer described an incident where they narrowly avoided being struck by the door. Fearing for the safety of those using the restroom, the writer told the co-worker to slow down. The co-worker, usually described as pleasant, reacted with anger. She apologized for nearly hitting the writer but added, “This is how I move.”

The writer asked if they owed the co-worker an apology for the comment. Miss Manners noted that the writer was afraid of how the comment sounded, suggesting it may have been as rude as the co-worker's response. Miss Manners recommended treating the exchange as a draw. Since the co-worker had already offered a partial apology, the writer should give one back to avoid further angering a person who moves with that specific energy under normal circumstances.

A second reader inquired about a young couple they observed at a casual lunch spot. The bride wore a full-length gown and tiara, and the groom and family wore church attire. No other guests were present. The reader felt a mix of joy and sadness that the wedding lunch took place among strangers at a commonplace establishment.

After leaving, the reader considered anonymously paying for the meal as a celebratory gesture. They viewed it as similar to sending champagne, though that was not an option at the venue. The reader's wife suggested the payment might be insulting, as the couple could interpret it as a commentary on their financial situation. The reader maintained the intent was purely altruistic.

Miss Manners stated that paying anonymously might have been charming. However, feeling sorry for the couple was unnecessary. The columnist listed several possible reasons for the choice of venue, such as it being a sentimental favorite, the site of the engagement, or a location where the couple are owners. The reader might have simply liked the spot.

The columnist advised against wasting sympathy on the notion that spending large amounts of money is a prerequisite for a lovely wedding. A meaningful reception does not need to be impressive to outsiders to count.