Miss Manners: Rudeness to customer service rarely works

A reader in Anchorage wrote to Miss Manners asking for permission to be rude to customer service representatives.

The writer described listening to repetitive robot messages and screeching hold music. They noted that the automated system often asks for the same information multiple times.

When a human agent finally answers, the reader said the employee often puts them on hold to find the answer. Sometimes the agent hangs up midsentence. The reader could not call back, though the agent had their number.

The reader has heard that using the F word or being nasty makes the system transfer the call to a helpful person. They asked if it is acceptable to tell the representative what they think of the business.

Miss Manners said she will not issue a pass for rudeness. She shared her own exasperation with modern customer service. She is considering writing a breakup song titled “Please Listen Carefully, As My Menu Has Changed.”

The column argued that rudeness does not usually fix the problem. An agent who hung up is unlikely to listen to a critique and promise to change. The reader might not want to hear how many employees were let go to install the recorded system. They might also learn that the remaining staff are overburdened and poorly paid.

Miss Manners suggested refusing to do business with a company that ignores customers. However, she noted that better options are hard to find. This is true even for essential services like hospitals or the U.S. Postal Service.

The column recommended the opposite approach. Readers should show graciousness to the occasional worker who makes a real effort to help. A letter of praise to that person’s boss highlights the value of real service.

A second reader asked about wearing white gloves. They recalled that ladies used to wear them and people now laugh at the practice. They worry about shaking hands with people who may have been sick. They use tissues to open doors and touch banisters.

Miss Manners said white gloves are fine. She asked the reader to remove them before eating or drinking. She noted that white cotton gloves should be worn in the summer. For the rest of the year, readers should choose dark gloves. Otherwise, they may look like a curator handling delicate artifacts or a waitress in a fancy restaurant.